Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
