Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
