i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize