I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
