Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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