I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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