I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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