Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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