Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
