Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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