my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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