I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
