are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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