I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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