You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize