Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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