I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
