He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
