it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
