My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
