I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina is officially offended.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
