I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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