i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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