Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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