my mouth tastes like poor choices
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
