Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She is in my trunk
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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