So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
