There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm gonna have a badass scar
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
