Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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