Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
