Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
