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I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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