i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Barsexuality is the new black.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
as a side note pls kill me
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