Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize