Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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