so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
