I hate all girls vehemently.
My liver just broke up with me...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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