does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
