Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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