I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
