Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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