Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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