I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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