someone threw a dead crab at me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So apparently I’m into choking now
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