OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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