"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
