I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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