He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
