is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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