watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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