Sry I called you an 8
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
