Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
