I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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