I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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