Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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