Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
