So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
