I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize