I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
