my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
