marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
