Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
