My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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