Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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