hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
whose parrot is this?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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