Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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