So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
