There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
