Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
